Thomas and CJ Are in Love!
by Kung-Fu MarioMan
Summary: After taking a picture of Thomas and CJ having coffee, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost decide to start their own tabloid newspaper, with the first headline being: "INTERN HAS A GIRLFRIEND". The other two attempt to stop the rumors, but they slowly end up falling in love.
1. The Picture

Chapter One: The Picture

Once upon a time, in old France during the New Wave - Wait, wrong story. Once upon a time, there was a park. But it wasn't an _ordinary_ park, no way. It was owned by Mr. Maellard, whom you may know. Anyway, there was a goat named Thomas, who worked as an intern who had an ''affair'' with a cloud girl who lived in another part of Two Peaks (not Twin Peaks or Two Pines or any other mangled version of the name), named CJ. I'll tell you how that ''affair'' came to be and how it ended up spiraling out of control.

One weekend, Thomas went to the coffee shop for a cup. When he entered the building, he saw a few costumers there: Mordecai and Rigby, both regular costumers, and CJ. Once Thomas saw her, he got a bit... interested. He walked over, and said, ''Hi. My name's Thomas. I work at the park.''

''Uh, hi Thomas. My name's CJ. What are you doing here?'' asked the cloud girl.

''I'm just, uhh, getting a cup of coffee.'' Thomas replied. ''You like coffee too?''

CJ laughed. ''Yes! I do! Um, Thomas?''

''Yes?''

''You want to sit down with me?''

''W-Well-'' Thomas stuttered.

''I'll pay if that's alright with you,'' said CJ. ''It's not like it costs a lot of money.''

Thomas thought it over. Then, when he finished thinking, he agreed and had coffee with her. While the two were talking, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost happened to be walking by the coffee shop at the moment. They looked inside the window and saw their fellow worker at the table. Then he laughed and said to his comrade, ''Hey, Fives, check this out! Thomas got a girlfriend!''

''Are you serious, Muscle Man?'' asked Hi-Five Ghost.

''Well, I don't know,'' he answered. ''But this is big news if someone managed to find something in Thomas. Lemme get my camera out!'' Muscle Man took out a camera he'd bought a week earlier, and took the picture. ''Woo~! That's gold, isn't it Fives? Let's go post this on Facebook!'' The pale green fatty did that shirt-twirling thing he normally does, and he ran away with Hi-Five Ghost following him.

As Thomas and CJ walked out of the coffee shop...

''You want me to take you to the park?'' asked the intern. ''I'm sure my boss Benson won't mind.''

CJ said, ''Ok. I don't have anything to do anyway.''

* * *

Meanwhile at the park house, Muscle Man and Fives were in the computer room, viewing the photo. The camera was connected to the PC with one of those camera cords.

''Like I said earlier, this is gonna go online, Fives. And when this appears on our Facebook page, the people are gonna laugh and laugh.'' said Muscle Man. ''Now watch me!''

''You know, Muscle Man? What if the two aren't being lovers?'' HFG asked. ''What if they were just... talking?''

''There's the possibility of that, I'm sure. Still though, I don't know how Thomas hooked up with a lady. But, this needs to be announced-''

Benson burst in. ''What are you doing, Muscle Man?'' he demanded.

''Uhh... I was just... Wanting to post pictures of... one of our friends?'' Muscle Man said,

The gumball machine walked to the computer and looked closer at the picture.''Thomas? No you're not! Haven't you ever heard of _permission_?''

''Yes, Benson. Wait, is this-''

''YES! It's a new policy!'' Benson was starting to get angry. ''Now, you're gonna delete that picture _right now_ or you're FIRED!''

Muscle Man got off the computer chair. ''No way Benson! Besides, you obviously made that up to stop me from doing so!'' He approached him. ''Now you listen to _me_! I took that picture, not you. I can do whatever I want with my camera and my pictures, because I bought it for my _own_ personal use, with my money!''

''Look, we're trying to protect our employees from defamation here, alright. So what if Thomas actually has a girlfriend. At least he has a life outside the park,'' Benson disconnected the camera. ''Now, I'll give this back when you calm down and promise to stop posting pictures of other park workers. In the meantime, you can forget about this.'' He walked off.

Muscle Man got angry and went crazy. He started whining as he trashed the computer room.

In the living room...

''Did you hear something?'' asked Benson.

''Yeah.'' said Thomas.

''Yes I did.'' CJ answered. ''What is he mad about, anyway?''

''We had an argument earlier. He'll calm down eventually.''

* * *

Once Muscle Man calmed down, he said to Hi-Five Ghost, ''Hey Fives, you think we should leave the park?''

''Why?'' Fives was confused.

''We don't have as much freedom as we did a year ago. Benson's crackin' down on us. I think we shouldn't stay here any longer.''

''Hey, Muscle Man. I think we should start one of those tabloids. You know, like the National Enquirer?''

''Good idea, bro. But how do we get news? I don't wanna write about the same things they're reporting.''

Fives explained. ''Don't worry about that. We'll write about anything worth noting happening in the area. My brother knows a friend in the tabloid business.''

''That's an absolutely awesome idea, bro!'' The two high-fived. ''I think I'll stay here, though. I need the money after buying the camera.''

* * *

**Next chapter:** Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost start their newspaper. Thomas and CJ try to stop rumors of them being lovers.

To be continued...


	2. The Paper

Chapter Two: The Paper

Thomas and CJ had a good time that day, talking with each other while watching TV. At the end of the day, Thomas asked her if she would like to come to the park again. She said yes, and they scheduled a date and time. Of course, he didn't know of the mischievous green man's plan.

The next day, Muscle Man got his camera back, and he and his ghostly friend got to work on their tabloid. A few days later, they finished it. It was a rather short 8-pager full of short accounts of things that had happened in Two Peaks; such as details of prank calls made by Muscle Man, a story of finding a man's love for a woman he tried to find four years later (by Hi Five Ghost; that's a reference to ''The Postcard'', by the way), and some other things. It was called: The Two Peaks News.

The two decided to put in the Thomas/CJ story in, but hid the story they'd wrote and the picture in the middle of the newspaper, because if it was the main headline, Benson would find out.

The next day, after printing, Muscle Man carried a backpack with the papers and the camera inside. When he was asked about it by his boss, who was giving out jobs, he lied and said, ''Uhh… just things I brought in…?''

''You can put in the living room, Muscle Man,'' Benson started as the man squeezed through the other park workers to get to the door. ''But if I find out that you have anything dangerous in there, you're fired!''

After work, it was time to relax. Thomas came from college around 4:30 after studying. An hour later, Muscle Man got Rigby to pass out the papers.

''Why do you want to do that?'' the raccoon asked.

''Because I said so!'' Muscle Man yelled. ''And besides, me and Fives might get in trouble for this.''

Rigby rectulantly grabbed the newspapers away from him (6 in all), and walked away to do it. He gave copies to everyone but Benson, who would be suspicious if he flipped through it and saw the coffee shop story. Muscle Man also had a copy and didn't need another.

When Thomas got around to reading it, he saw his face in a little section in the middle.

''Intern has a girlfriend?'' Then he remembered that fateful day, and what actually happened as opposed to what was written. He grew angry. ''MUSCLE MAN!''

CJ entered the house. ''Hey Thomas!''

''Hi CJ.'' Thomas showed her the headline

* * *

''Hey, Rigby,'' asked Muscle Man. ''Was my Two Peaks News great? Did anyone enjoy it?''

''I heard Thomas yelling in the living room.''

''Oh no, bro...'' He ran off.

''What?''

Thomas and CJ were just about to go to Benson's office when Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost appeared.

''Wait! Thomas, don't do this!'' he pleaded.

''Why shouldn't I? You made that thing up!'' the goat said.

Muscle Man asked, ''What do you mean?''

Thomas held up the story and shoved it in his face. ''THIS STORY?''

''Oh, yeah. Well-''

CJ stopped him. ''You know what you did! You wrote that we're in love! We were just talking that time!'' she yelled.

The pale man crossed his arms. ''Yeah. All the newspapers lie. My friend has a friend in the tabloid business that says so. They sell, like, a million copies a day. So what?'' He sighed.

''Well,'' Thomas started. ''You should remove the story from that Two Peaks News paper if you're planning on making more copies.''

''No way, bro.'' said Hi Five Ghost. ''Sorry to tell you this, but we already made an order...''

Thomas and CJ gasped. _''How many copies did they make?''_ they thought.

''...for 2,500 copies. Did I mention my friend owns a chain of convinence stores?''

They just about fainted when they heard this. Muscle Man started laughing.

''That's not funny.''

''Sorry,'' said Muscle Man.

* * *

**Next chapter: **Thomas goes on a blind date. Meanwhile, Muscle Man could lose his job.

To be continued...


	3. The Blind Date

**Last time on Thomas and CJ Are in Love...**

_CJ stopped Muscle Man. ''You know what you did! You wrote that we're in love! We were just talking that time!'' she yelled._

_The pale man crossed his arms. ''Yeah. All the newspapers lie. My friend has a friend in the tabloid business that says so. They sell, like, a million copies a day. So what?'' He sighed._

_''Well,'' Thomas started. ''You should remove the story from that Two Peaks News paper if you're planning on making more copies.''_

_''No way, bro.'' said Hi Five Ghost. ''Sorry to tell you this, but we already made an order...''_

_Thomas and CJ gasped. ''How many copies did they make?'' they thought._

_''...for 2,500 copies. Did I mention my friend owns a chain of convinence stores?''_

_They just about fainted when they heard this. Muscle Man started laughing._

_''That's not funny.''_

_''Sorry,'' said Muscle Man._

* * *

Chapter Three: Blind Date (Part One)

Thomas was walking down the street when he saw this...

**Blind Date Service**

**555-5683**

The goat found some interest in the building and went inside. He saw a pink interior with plenty of pink-colored things all around. There was a black guy behind a desk who appeared to be the store's owner. He shouted at the intern, ''Hey! Goat guy! Come on over here!'' Thomas walked to the desk.

''My name is Jay Warden,'' said the owner. ''What can I do for you?''

''My name is Thomas,'' the intern replied. ''I came to apply for a blind date.''

''What's wrong, Thomas?''

Thomas leaned against the desk. ''Well... I'll tell you. I work at the park. There's this girl I'm friends with. I saw her at the coffee shop, introduced myself, had coffee with her. She's pretty cool.''

''Keep talking,'' asked curious Jay. ''I want to hear the rest of the story.''

Thomas continued his recounting. ''This fat, pale-ish green guy, who also works at the park, saw us, took a picture, and used it to make up a fake story in his newspaper he's making. I figure though if I debunk the rumors and go out on a real date with a different girl, they'll know the guy's lying.''

Jay was writing down everything on a piece of paper. ''Mmm-hmm. Tell you what: take this tie, and tie it over your eyes.'' Thomas took the thick red tie and did so.

''Next, go in the basement behind my desk,'' continued the owner. ''I'll gather up a bunch of women as quick as I can so you may pick.''

As Thomas went inside, Muscle Man entered the building. ''Yo, Jay, where's Thomas?''

''My last costumer? Oh, he's in the back room,'' answered Jay.

''Thanks,'' said the fat man as he entered the basement where Thomas was.

''Hey, Muscle Man,'' uttered Thomas as he walked over to him. ''Thanks for screwing up my life. I appreciate what you've done.''

''Thanks for screwing up _my_ life!'' yelled Muscle Man. ''I'll be fired soon, because of my newspaper! Benson didn't like it.''

''How so?''

''He destroyed one of Fives' friend's stands because a dozen copies were up in plain view!'' Muscle Man was steaming. ''And now I'm gonna wish you were never born!''

Thomas cowered in fear. ''FUUUUUUUU-''

* * *

The intern escaped out the back door with the tie ripped to pieces, never to return... until he did a day later to ask if Jay had gotten the women yet. He had, and led Thomas to the basement.

There was about 6 or 7 women inside, but Thomas didn't see them because his eyes were covered by a different red tie. He talked to all of them, and walked out with one of the women, to the back of the building where they talked. The girl said she liked to draw and post on blogs. They set up a date and walked back to the store, where Thomas' girl was revealed.

''C-CJ?'' asked Thomas.

''Thomas?'' CJ was bewildered.

''Uhhh...'' said Jay.

**Next chapter**: Muscle Man keeps writing false stories.

To be continued...


	4. The Conversation

_Last time on Thomas and CJ Are in Love..._

''C-CJ?'' asked Thomas.

''Thomas?'' CJ was bewildered.

''Uhhh...'' said Jay.

* * *

Chapter Four: The Conversation (Part Two)

''What a coincidence!'' said CJ. ''How did this happen?''

Thomas shrugged his shoulders in confusion. How could _this_ happen? ''I don't know,'' he replied.

Jay was just as confused. He got in his car and drove away quickly.

''Should we go anyway?'' asked CJ. ''I really like that place. The food is delicious.''

''Oh, the Pirate's Palace? I guess... we could still go, but...''

''Alright. Like we said, tomorrow, 10:30 PM. Got it?''

Thomas put his hands in his pockets. ''Fine...'' He walked off, walking to go back to the park, where work was waiting for him.

* * *

Muscle Man had gotten some more money, and used it to buy a small apartment. He and Hi-Five Ghost also got some printers too.

''Yo Fives,'' Muscle Man asked his ghostly friend. ''Should we continue writing?''

''I'm not sure Muscle Man,'' Fives said. ''After all, you got in trouble last time.''

''I'll think about it.''

''Ok.''

_A few hours later..._

''Well, what the hell?'' Muscle Man said. ''I have all these printers and equipment. I gotta make another one!''

* * *

The next day at the college...

''Thomas, what are you doing here?'' said his roommate Louis, a human.

''Nothing, I thought we had classes today,'' said Thomas. ''Is it Friday yet?''

Louis shook his head. ''No, it's Saturday. I have to study, but you don't. Oh, yeah, you missed out on our party, dude!''

''Damn! I was sleeping at the park! Well, I gotta go back now.'' Thomas headed for the door.

''Wait!''

''What is it, Louis?'' Thomas turned around.

Louis explained. ''I saw some green man selling newspapers at the break of dawn outside my window, and I bought one.'' He handed it to the goat.

''Two Peaks News, huh?'' Thomas went through it. ''Typical fake crap, letters, reviews...'' Then he suddenly shouted ''OH, NO!''

''What?''

''Muscle Man wrote about me again! Somehow he found out me and my friend CJ are going on a date!''

Louis shrugged. ''So?''

''I said the rumors in the last issue weren't true,'' whined Thomas. ''Then I kinda got interested in CJ and then...''

''There's another one?'' asked Louis. ''And also, why are you going on a date when you said to me a few days ago you _didn't_ want to go out with her?''

''I don't know... But I don't know if I should go.''

''We're having another party tonight. You should go there if you're not on a date.''

''I'm going on a date tonight at 10:30.''

''Damn. Where are you going?''

''The Pirate's Palace.''

Louis gasped. ''THE PIRATE'S PALACE?'' He covered his mouth and vomited into them while Thomas looked on, disgusted.

''I'm confused.'' he said.

''The Pirate's Palace...'', continued Louis. ''It... brings... up... some terrible... memories... Last time... I-I-I-I-I-''

Thomas yawned. ''Will you get on with it?'' he asked impatiently.

''Some waiters took me away and put me in a dark closet, where I was tortured for six hours straight.''

The young groundskeeper started sweating nervously.

''And then, I was bludgeoned almost to death by the same waiters, this time for six minutes.''

The intern kept sweating.

''And then they-''

''STOP IT! I WON'T GO! I WON'T GO!'' shouted Thomas.

The principal of the college entered the dorm.

''Will you two shut up!?''

''Sorry,'' Louis apologized.

Thomas wiped his forehead. ''Sorry.''

The principal said. Louis then told Thomas, ''Bottom line: If you know what's good for ya, don't go to the Pirate's. Go somewhere else if you can.''

''Alright.''

''And one more thing: All reservations are final. You can't get out of them. Ever.''

Thomas decided to ask Louis one more question before he went to the park.

''What did you do that made those waiters almost kill you?''

Louis sighed. ''Nothing,'' he said. ''They're that sadistic. Anyway, have fun with that ''CJ'' of yours.''

**Next time:** Thomas and CJ come across a dangerous secret.

To be continued...


	5. The Pirate's Palace (Part One)

Chapter Five: The Pirate's Palace (Part Three) (Part One)

Tonight was the night! Thomas was getting ready for his big date, at one of the most male-hating restaurants in the entire history of the United States of America. Yes, he was very nervous.

But his... lady friend CJ wasn't. She was already dressed up, and ready to go.

''Thomas,'' the cloud lady said, ''You need to take a shower.''

''Again?'' replied her boyfriend. ''I showered twice! Am I still sweaty?''

''Yes, very! Now hurry!'' Thomas went in the shower for the third time.

Five minutes before the start of the reservation, he and CJ ran all the way to the PP in a hurry. The PP was in a shady part of town, where many drug dealers lived. Finally, the two lovebirds arrived at the main door.

''Names, please?'' said a doorman.

''Thomas C. Smith and C.J. Adams.'' said Thomas.

''Oh yeah, your reservation started two minutes ago.'' The doorman let the two in. ''Go on in anyway. Your girl looks very nice.'' Thomas and CJ saw the interior of the restaurant: a run-down shack with no sense of theming. Great food was the reason why CJ kept coming here.

''I don't know this, CJ,'' said the intern. ''It doesn't look so great on the inside.''

''Trust me, the food is better,'' said the young adult. ''I didn't tell you this before, but...'' CJ gulped. ''The staff doesn't really care for... men.''

''So it's a restaurant for women.''

''No. They're just more interested in them.''

A young table taker showed the two to their tables far away from the entrance, and were given menus. Thomas and CJ both ordered the lobster, salmon, and the ''Special of the Day'': A cake shaped like a pirate's face.

''Mmm...'' The two were stuffed full. ''That... was... _awesome!_'' CJ said as she lay on her seat next to Thomas.

''Yeah, I enjoyed it too...'' Thomas said as he wondered about what his dorm-mate said. Did that happen to all the males? And did he _have_ to throw up in his hands? That was pretty stupid. But Louis never lied, did he?

When the check was served, CJ payed for it for her credit card. Then, they started to leave via one of the exits. But on their way, the two stepped on a trapdoor and fell through, screaming bloody murder.

When they landed, they saw a bunch of guys in black suits standing there. Their leader, Mario the manager, walked in.

''Why-a, hello there!'' said Mario cheerfully. ''My-a name is a-Mario, and we're-a here to kill-a the both of you! I mean-a the guy!''

''What?'' Thomas was alarmed. ''Why do you want to kill me for?''.

Mario stared at him. ''Oh yeah...'' Thomas recalled.

''We-a hate-a men!'' Mario explained. ''We like-a women better! Men are-a some-a racist imbeciles-a!''

''We're in love~!'' one of Mario's goons said.

''Wow, that's rather insane!'' CJ said. ''You can't just kill my...'' She paused. ''...boyfriend just because you thought I was attractive!''

Another servant corrected the cloud girl. ''Mario didn't say that...''

''But I do think it!'' Mario told CJ. ''Now, come to my room or else! Thomas, I think, should come too.''

The three adults and Mario's gang all walked to a bedroom in the basement. ''What do you think he'll do to me? CJ asked, frightened.

Thomas shrugged. ''I don't know... but I don't want to find out.''

To be continued...


End file.
